


Just Blowing in the Wind

by spikesgirl58



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2014-01-01
Packaged: 2018-01-07 02:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1114325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spikesgirl58/pseuds/spikesgirl58
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's something everyone can do, except Napoleon can't.  Done all in dialog.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Blowing in the Wind

“I don’t believe it.”

“Believe it and keep your voice down.”

“No one is listening.”

“Someone is always listening.  Didn’t they teach you that back in the Soviet Union?”

“Yes, but I never listened.”

“This is the last time I tell you something in confidence.”

“But I thought it was something you Americans just did.”

“Most do; I just never have.”

“But even I have… and I’m not even American.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“You are serious, aren’t you?”

“Deadly… serious.”

“Oh, Napoleon, I am sorry.   I didn’t realize… I should not have made fun of you like that.”

“That’s right you shouldn’t have.”

“It’s just… you really never… ever?  Not even in the Army?”

“No… it’s not like national security ever depended upon it.”

“I thought all of you learned it in boot camp.”

“Did you?”

“We were too busy with other things.  If you’d like, I can teach you.”

“It’s a little late for that, partner.  My habits are already set.”

“Napoleon, it’s as easy as whistling… you do whistle?  What am I saying?  Of course you whistle… every time a pretty girl goes by.”

“You’re a funny guy.  I’d laugh if the stakes weren’t so high.  Are we really sure this is necessary?”

“That’s what the reports say.  It’s well documented.”

“Maybe he’s just having an off day.  That happens to the best of us.”

“Focus upon me, Napoleon.  Like this…”

“Do you know how idiotic you look doing that?”

“I’m trying to help you and you are being insulting.  Perhaps if I dye my hair, I can go in your stead.”

“They would never believe you as an American.”

“Why not?”

“Pick up a fork.  See?

“No.”

“You hold it all wrong.  You pick up a utensil and they will know you are no small town hick.”

“So we are back to the beginning.  Here.”

“I’m not using yours…”

“Very well, use your own.  Lips, teeth, tip of the tongue, like this…. you’re not supposed to spit, Napoleon.”

“This isn’t easy.”

“It is if you let it be… a child can do this.”

“I’m not a child… Illya, forget it… we’ll have to work around it.”

“Napoleon, this is as easy as falling off a bike.”

“Riding a bike…”

“As you say, now watch, like this… ouch…”

“Sorry…”

“I give up.  Perhaps there is time for you to take up smoking instead…”

                                                                *****

“Illya, are you awake?”

“Uh… so rumor has it… trouble?”

“Watch this!”

“You woke me up for that?”

“I thought you’d be happy.”

“Devastatingly so.  Good night, Napoleon.”

“But this is… this is great!”

“Napoleon, tomorrow while you are demonstrating your newly discovered skill, I will be setting explosives to bring down a three-story building.  It would behoove both of us if I were fully rested going into the task.  And whatever you do… don’t fall asleep like that.”

“What?  Oh, choking, I understand.”

“No, you have never lived until you’ve had gum cut out of your hair and don’t keep me up all night snapping it like that.”

“But, Illya…”

“Good night, Napoleon.”

  
  



End file.
